I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
