Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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