White coat. Heels.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
