I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
