Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
