You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
