I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize