Duck Duck Cougar?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
