There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
