I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
