Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
