there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
