is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
