How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
