The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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