you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
