if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
