well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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