yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
