I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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