Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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