I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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