Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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