No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
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Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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