I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
do nipples grow back?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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