I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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