I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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