Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
