If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
