So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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