how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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