Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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