My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
