That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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