Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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