'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
