You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
