I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
