I could make wine with my vomit
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
