I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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