Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
