yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?