I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...