Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.