Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?