i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize