I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need water and some morals
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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