So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
