Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
