he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
