What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
