So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
