Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
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Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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