He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
