After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
