Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yea but for you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.