If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.