2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty