Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.