just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable