I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
