quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
