Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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