i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
