I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
