Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
